You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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