My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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