I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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