But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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