david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
