we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you traded sex for a burrito?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have fence marks all over my body
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
