hotel room ftw
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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