I feel great
I just peed on a car
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dear god my vagina.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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