well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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