Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
