I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?