saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?