I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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