you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.