Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
