Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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