Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
