Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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