guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
