I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
