my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
