the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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