the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
