I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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