Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
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Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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