I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
