3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
