I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
