After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
