Swine flu. Run for my life!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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