we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
