I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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