Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
