do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.