my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend