i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
