I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?