I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
