Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
