Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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