Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
