Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
