She said her name was "party"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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