I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
