4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
