FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
