Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
