just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
