Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
