I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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