Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
