I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
