if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
