hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
