he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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