How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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