I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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