i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
