I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize