I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
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He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
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We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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