I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
