Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
