it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
