Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
