sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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