girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
