Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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