if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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