new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
