Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
