Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize