I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
