i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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