We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
