I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
