If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
