I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
