Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
