Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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