He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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