sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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