WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
