I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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