Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
