I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
